Register | Login
Login
Sign in with:
---------- OR ----------
Create Account | Login
Create account
As a Member You Can:
  • Join clubs to discuss your interests
  • Connect with people like you
  • Share information, seek advice, get support

   
parenting
in Mumbai (change city)
Select City
  • All
  • Delhi
  • New Delhi
  • Gurgaon
  • Noida
  • Mumbai
  • Pune
  • Banglore
  • Hyderabad
  • Ghaziabad
  • Chandigarh
  • Ahmedabad
  • Kolkata
  • Chennai
  • Coimbatore
  • Jaipur
select‌ stage
 
Adoption Topics..

 
You are here : home > Adoption > Is Adoption the Answer? > Bringing home an older child

Bringing home an older child



If you intend to adopt, consider an older child. India Parenting provides the rationale.

Adopting a child is a serious and lifelong commitment. But adoption is even more challenging when it involves an older child, who is a full-fledged individual with a definite past, a family history or the lack of it and, of course, a set behavioral pattern.
When such a child comes home, the adoptive parents have to have an extraordinary readiness to accept the child unconditionally, notwithstanding the child's past emotional baggage. The adopted child may come from an orphanage or a foster home with painful memories or a street shanty. But now that the child is in the family, a new chapter begins.

Why would anyone adopt an older child?

  1. A readymade toddler saves the parents from the rigmarole of late night feeds and nappy changes. A young infant is obviously less self-sufficient than a relatively older child. The initial years of child rearing are indeed taxing and therefore adoption of an older child can be viewed as a panacea.

  2. Love for children prompts a couple/single person to bring home an older child despite having a biological offspring. The entry of an older child gives readymade company to the natural child, and at the same time fulfills the adoptive parent's desire for social service.

  3. A visit to an orphanage can involuntarily create fond feelings for a particular child. Or a special liking for a particular parentless child in the neighbourhood may lead to adoption. Or a couple/single person might specifically zero in on an older child, in order to check out if the child fits into their lifestyle or not.

Considering the variety of possible reasons for adopting an older child, every person who is adopting should know the particular reason for which he or she is bringing a full-fledged child home.

Once the reason is clear, an adoptive parent has to help the child adjust to a new set of circumstances new people, smells, routines, rules and probably even food. The parent has to be ready for mood shifts, temper tantrums and hypersensitivity of the adopted child. However, such withdrawal symptoms are normal, at least initially. Every child devises his or her own survival tactics, more so an adopted one. Therefore, an adoptive a parent must allot enough time for adjustments. Most importantly, parents should not expect a feeling of gratitude from the child, mainly because they have not 'favoured' the child by bringing him/her home. They should aim for a mutually fulfilling relationship, which takes a long time to develop.

What should a parent do to help an adopted child?

  1. Prepare yourself completely to expect the unexpected. Educate yourself about the ill effects of long-term abuse and neglect. Read books on adoption and family adjustments. Try to meet adoptive families and join a support group. Bringing home an older child may need a lot of attitude building.

  2. You should know your adopted child's family history, health records, interests and some special memories.

  3. When your 'new' child first enters your home, do not dramatize the situation. Retain normalcy and simplicity. The child should not be showered with unnatural love on the first day. Let a bond develop naturally.

  4. Do not participate in family gatherings unless the child is comfortable with the inner family core.

  5. A little bit of cuddling, snuggling and cooing will go a long way, because it is quite likely that your 'older' child has missed out on these special moments. Provide enough time for your child in addition to toys, books and educational tools, to keep him engaged.

  6. Help your child work out his pain. Let him talk about his worst fears, happiest moments and insecurities. Share your past with your child. Rationalise your reason for adoption.

  7. Help your child rebuild dreams of a healthy family life. After all, blood is not always thicker than water.

You may also be interested in:

Healthy Breakfast
(45214 views)
#ContestAlert
(45214 views)
Cancel
Save Edit
parenting
Notifications
7 Comments
Sort by Newest

Suraj.3 years ago
i want parents...
 
 
 
.
Reply
Seema.3 years ago
i think if you love the child genuinely and treat them as your own, it helps them adjust faster.
 
 
 
.
Reply
LB.3 years ago
you're comment that "a parent gets to choose an ideal/dream child. people have various preferences with regard to children." -- this is wrong!! please do not advise parents to look for the "dream child" there is no such thing! this is the kind of advice that makes parents seek out only fair-skinned, attractive, smart children -- and the others get left behind (or the parents end up with no one). just adopt if you want to be a parent and you love children -- end of story.
 
 
 
.
Reply
Damini Worma.3 years ago
nurture is greater than nature
1
 
 
 
.
Reply
Back to Previous Page   |   More on Adoption Index

 
 


All tips on Is Adoption The Answer?
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else. No spam.

*No spam only genuine emails
Follow us on:




Featured Articles - Infertility | Baby Development | Health and Fitness | How to Get Pregnant | Parenting Advice | Weight Loss | Pregnancy Advice | Name Numerology
Baby - Baby Photo Contest | Lucky Names | Lucky Birthdates | Horoscopes | Chinese Calendar | Compatibility Test | Fun Zone
Parenting - Message Boards | Planning a Baby | Pregnancy | Parents of Babies | Baby Names | Baby Name Poll | Birth Announcements | Parenting Quiz
Family - Cooking Club | Love & Relationships | Beauty Tips | Kids Weight Calculator | Recipe Maker
General - Calorie Counter | Personality Quiz | Love Signs | Compatibility Quiz
Home | Site Map | Privacy Policy | Comments or Suggestions | Indiaparenting News Articles | Contact Us | Advertise with Us | | RSS
Copyright (c) 1999 - 2018 India Parenting Pvt. Ltd.